New Mexico’s fourth Congressional district is noted for its striking desert scenery, majestic mountains and its long border with Mexico. And it shall soon be known for something else, electing only the 42nd zombah to the United States House of Representatives.
Bra!nz! stares at Miller’s head during a recent debate.
Grragh Barhah! Bra!nz! currently holds a commanding 73%-19% lead over his opponent, Andrew Miller, in their race for the open seat. Right now Mr. Bra!nz!’s platform seems to largely revolve around bringing competent leadership to Washington, DC.
“When I asked him how we were going to resolve the situation in Iraq, he talked about getting more brains,” explained prospective voter Tami Sanderson. “I think it’s so refreshing to hear someone talk about bringing intelligent leadership to Washington.”
This doesn’t sit well with Mr. Miller, though. “All he does is bellow ‘more brains!’ More brains is not a platform and it is not an option! He’s also not doing enough to keep the foreigners out of our country.”
In fact, Mr. Bra!nz!’s stance on immigration has not been an impediment to his juggernaut candidacy, even though he controversially started tearing into a section of border fence on a campaign visit. When asked about the border fence, Mr. Bra!nz! was quite passionate, shouting, “Rahm urr barr!cahds!”
Furthermore, while Mr. Miller has tried to paint Mr. Bra!nz! as a liberal out of touch with Southwestern US values, Mr. Bra!nz! has been able to counter these charges with tough law and order stances. When asked about the death penalty, Mr. Bra!nz! enthusiastically said, “Kill harmanz! Kill harmanz!”
In addition to his stances on the issues issues, Mr. Bra!nz! seems to have something else over Mr. Miller: personality.
“I’m sorry, but Andrew Miller is just a boring, politics-as-usual kind of guy,” explained Bra!nz! for Congress spokeswoman Jennifer Reed. “He doesn’t have the charisma, the energy or the youthful appearence of Grragh Barhah! Bra!nz!.”
This personality has animated itself in many ways. Bra!nz! will playfully bite babies, grasp people he meets by the shoulders and brings them in for “Bra!nz! hug,” and let out loud, threatening groans when he enters a room full of people. This is directly contrasted by Mr. Miller who is considered by some to be distant, aloof and uncomfortable around harmanz.
Perhaps it was summed up best by Caledonia resident Barney Peterson when he said, “Frankly, I thought it was this Miller fellow who wasn’t even alive.”
