- by dongs, 2nd grader at Billings Lane Zombie School
Editor’s Note: Occasionally, we receive essays from students attending the primary schools in Ridleybank. Here is one such essay from a youngster who took some time from their busy schedule of reading, writing, and disemboweling survivor honor roll students to tell us about their summer vacation:
This summer was very fun. I will tell you about a trip I took. The (slightly) older zombies in the Praetorian Guard said that we would stay in Ridleybank and eat humans while the rest of the Horde ran around Malton eating less brave humans. It seemed like they would have all the fun. I was sad*. But I believe that the RRF is 1/3 Ridleybank. It is important to eat humans there. So I stayed. But then there were almost no humans in Ridleybank. Far Traveller, Kittentits, 707, and Wisuguya always eat them first because they do a good job and I usually hunt at 3am. I got hungry. I remembered that there were always humans in Stanbury Village.
So when the other Praets weren’t looking, I went to Stanbury Village. It was not far. I went where there were some other zombies, but all of the buildings were at EHB and my remaining brain cells have ADD. So I went back to Ridleybank. It was still ruined. We do a good job.
So I went to Roachtown and there were some barricades. Me and some ferals took down the cades, but there were no humans. So I went back to Ridleybank. Still ruined. We do a very good job.
So I went to Pimbank and it was the same thing: barricades and no humans. I thought, “Gosh, these pussy-ass cade-strafing motherfuckers must be so bored of jacking off their shotgun muzzles in their shit-strewn malls that they have nothing better to do than roll through here with a toolbox and make our UD experience about as exciting as getting a blow job from Terri Schaivo.”
So I went to Barrville. There were humans! There was a guy in a hospital who was still alive. I checked. Delicious. He was wearing a jacket. It said “Malton Fire Department” on it. I thought he was lonely because he didn’t have three friends from other DEM branches to keep him company. So I gave him a hug. Actually, I gave him about 19 hugs. Then he died. So I ate him. It tasted very much like every other DEM human I’ve eaten.
After this, I was very full and satisfied. So I went back to Ridleybank to continue the glorious labor of keeping Ridleybank for zombies. Now I am back in zombie school and I am writing this essay for you, Mr. Zombie.
The End.
