Zetheren, in November, when I became Papa of this, the last of the legendary hordes of Malton, I spoke to you of the dark times in which we shambled. I spoke of the safe malls, the zombie-free streets and the fat, arrogant survivors nestled secure in warm safehouses, free of trouble and pain. Most of Malton was green in those terrible days. Headshots were more frequent than survivor deaths. We were losing the war.
And now?
Now the breathing infestation runs in fear before the might of our forces. Now death reigns supreme in Malton. Now we shamble in a time of glory.
Look at the map.
See the red tide sweeping the north.
See the green blotch full of vermin waiting to die.
See it all and rejoice.
See it all and know that you, each and every one of you, has played your part in creating the glorious wasteland of the north.
Most especially, zetheren of the Ridleybank Resistance Front, see the suburbs of Pimbank, Roftwood, Stanbury Village and Tollyton. Each a stop on our Excursion III tour, each home to a mall and each a part of the so-called Survivor Security Zone. This is an area established as a safe haven for survivors, with the stronghold malls of Tynte, Hildebrand, Nichols and Woodroffe keeping them supplied and secure.
Or at least that was the idea…
In barely more than a month zetheren, we have crushed their entire ‘security zone’. We have taken their malls, their Necrotech buildings and, most important of all, their lives. Now from green danger reports the best that they can manage is a fiery orange, but that is just one suburb, our first stop in Pimbank. The rest are RED.
You did this zetheren. You.
Each of you brings fear the the hearts of men. Each of you is a killer. Each of you is a soldier and a hero of the Ridleybank Resistance Front.
And now our grim work continues. There are still breathers out there in our city and we must bring them to the glory of unlife. We can do this and we will do it. First though there are two things which we must do.
The first thing that we must do is to consolidate our power base by consolidating our horde. For the last month we have proven a point: When together this horde is a merciless, remorseless killing machine. Together we stand and the breathers fall. With this in mind, from next Friday, we will be unifying our two horde groups, the Wrecking Ball and the Department of Homeland Security into one single master horde. A colossus amongst mere groups. This single, unified and devastating force will continue under the name of the Department of Homeland Security and will be serviced by the strike team, Team America. We will create a single army of zombies equipped to crush any enemy, We will become a monster made of many monsters. We will become legion, for we are many, yet we are also one.
How it will work
The essentials are as follows:
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All RRF horde forces in the current DoHS and Wrecking Ball teams will be joined under the single banner of the newly-unified Department of Homeland Security.
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Leadership of this new master horde will be shared between Uncle BongoBrain and Aunt SomewhatDeceased of the Wrecking Ball and DoHS respectively. They will be assisted by Wisuguya, along with the Team America leaders, Zoey Zarg and Gus Thomas, creating a strong and consistent leadership framework, with a proven track record of success.
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There will be a single Department of Homeland Security forum created for the use and enjoyment of all members of the RRF.
Now, doubtless there are some questions arising in your minds, so let’s see if I can answer them before they are even asked.
- Wait, how can it be the Department of Homeland Security when so many of us are away on Excursion? Why not keep the name The Wrecking Ball or even go back to Group 0?
An excellent question. The truth is that all RRF activity is done in the interests of securing our precious homeland. When we move abroad to slaughter en masse in far-off suburbs we do this to build up our strength, our team-work and our spirits and to draw other zombies to the banner of our mighty horde and also to weaken survivor resolve, to make them fear us and speak of us as the monsters that we are: To ensure that they know that all that awaits them in Ridleybank is death. In going abroad under the banner of our Department of Homeland Security we say to the breathers ‘If you dare to trespass on our lands or invade our sacred homeland, THIS is the army that you will be forced to fight. THESE are the killers who will tear you apart. You can not win and you WILL NOT WIN’. That is the message that we are sending with Excursion III
Another thing to point out is that whilst a large number of our forces are out on Excursion right now, a similarly massive number have stayed behind of their own free will to protect our homeland and keep it safely ruined. When the Blackmore Building was recently taken by survivors, these stalwart defenders of our homeland tore the building apart and slaughtered every breather inside, all without assistance from the touring forces. These stalwarts too are heroes of the Ridleybank Resistance Front and they too are a part of our Department of Homeland Security. With that in mind we will start threads for the reporting of incursions and barricades in our territory to help those heroes of the front in their important work.
- I’m a member of the Wrecking Ball. Does this mean that my team has not worked out?
Forget that! The Wrecking Ball has been a massive success. Do you all remember the siege at Ackland Mall and how a massive assault by the Wrecking Ball and Auxunit 10 opened that heavily defended mall up in the space of mere hours? That was one of the most glorious assaults in the history of the RRF. So no zetheren, the Wrecking Ball was no failure. We’re unifying the horde under the DoHS name because I believe that at the heart of every Ridley is the desire to first and foremost defend our homeland. We all signed up to protect something that is precious to us and to all zombiekind. With that in mind, surely there could only ever be one true name for a master horde of the RRF’s forces and that name is the Department of Homeland Security.
- If we’re the Department of Homeland Security, when will we return to Ridleybank to defend it?
The simple answer to that is this: When it pleases us and when we need to. Ridleybank, thanks to those stalwart defenders whom I mentioned earlier, is strongly defended and, as also mentioned previously, our excursion is also work done in the name of homeland security. When we return to Ridleybank we will be a stronger and more dangerous force for it.
Now, there was something else that I wanted to announce… What was it..?
Ah yes… A PARTY!
Next Saturday, to celebrate the unification of the horde, we will be throwing a party for all members and friends of the Ridleybank Resistance Front. Venue to be announced closer to the date. Bring Your Own Brains. Pantslessness compulsory!
BARHAH ZETHEREN! And thanks to you all for making the end of 2007 and the start of 2008 a time of greatness for the Ridleybank Resistance Front.
