Welcome to the Fifth Edition of Ridleybank Digital Press, news for the undead cannibal written by the undead cannibal. Just another friendly reminder that all harman life in Malton will be devoured and join our glorious horde.
Eye on the horde:
Vinetown is getting its face thrashed viciously. With both St John’s Cathedral and Mitchem Mall down, the RRF is running roughshod over the survivor resistance. Not even the game breaking tactic of randomly shooting bullets into revive queues is stopping the liberation. Holiday Havoc swings in full force with little breaking its stride, save beer runs and bathroom breaks.
Looking to the Homeland, ruination has once again taken hold in the zombie capital of Malton. The defenders of the ‘Bonk have set their gaze West, to Barhahville, to end the urban decay known as barricades there. Marching forth to spread glorious BARHAH and hagz unto the RRF’s second home. As the second suburb claimed by the RRF, many feel that success here is as important as it is in Ridleybank. The operation has already been a great success with the destruction of several resource buildings and a massive toga party that culminated in two Ridleys drunkenly pretending to be gladiators. Neither one was harmed, but the use of nudity by both combatants was derided as, “seriously the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen.”
Dinner Spotlight:
This week spotlight is on the Turkey, whose yearly genocide in America culminates this Thursday. Harmans find them delicious and love to stuff their body cavities with numerous other foodstuffs, even other birds. Now, as much as we do admire the ability to cram a life form inside of another life form, this bird’s small brain makes it nearly worthless to a zombie earning a one out of five stars.
Get to know a Ridley:
This editions’s Ridley is plscks, one that pops up every now and then, and has volunteered to be the first zombie on the Moon.
- How did you find Urban Dead?
Well, I think I found it in a random add link several years ago. That must be it, because I was never into a game remotely close to UD, before I was on UD.
- How did you join the RRF?
Well, my self bio from the UD wiki tells it more accurately than I could at this point; “This was my first character, as a babah harman I was born in Dulston. I wandered around till I was lost and eventually APed outside. From there I spent a few weeks as a zombie waiting at RPs, where people would routinely run up to me shoot me with a flare gun, hit me with an axe, knife me in the face, and then headshot me. After a while I figured that I would just be a zahmbah, but that was not very effective at all. Then I joined up with the RRF and landed grouped with Team America Fuck! Yeah! They grew me up and I roved around with my TA brothers and sisters trashing Malton for a while. Then RL kicked me in the face and I idled for a long while, but now I’m back protecting the homeland.
- How long have you been in the horde?
I joined up in January 2009, wow, it’s been nearly 3 years….. Wow!
- In a few words, describe what role you play in the horde.
When I started I was a strike team regular for TA, we had lots of good times! Now I’m more of a forums only guy and I rove around the homeland keeping it safe from those darned breathers.
- What’s your favourite moment with the RRF?
I remember not long after I joined, we had some engagement with Fort Creedy, that was pretty awesome, we ate everyone!
- What do in your real life? What are your interests besides Urban Dead? What’s your job like? Do you have a family? How would you describe yourself?
In RL, I am 28, I’ve got an A.S., and after that I went back to community college and I’m at the tail end of my schooling in automotive technology. My job is currently to work at my schools shop in the tool room, being that we are automotive, we must keep track of the schools tools and what not, it’s a pretty decent job and I learn new things every day (as I get to hang around the classes that are going on while I’m working). I don’t have my own little ones yet, but the love of my life has two kids, and they mean the world to me. I would describe myself as an overly smart service worker that loves helping people, loves making important ones(in my life) happy, and has a solid blue collar upbringing and mentality. Long story short, I love my family, I love my fiancée and her kids, and I will do anything to provide for her and them.
Papa’s Corner:
For those Ridleys that populate the United States, this upcoming Thursday is Thanksgiving. It is a day defined by giving thanks for the good things in our life and a vague memory of our ancestors mooching off of the Natives when we first arrived. As those with BARHAH, we are especially fortunate and thus have a lot of thanks to give, so I thought a great festival where we give thanks for having one another was in order.
Then I realized such a touchy feely plan was not very BARHAH, as very little brains would get munched on, so instead let’s skip that part and go right to the devouring of everything in sight. Still doesn’t feel like Thanksgiving though, we need the mooching of our forefathers and we need to crank it up to 11. So what’s the best form of mooching? Stealing everything you possibly can, and with Christmas right around the corner might as well get it done now… Forget waiting until the 25th for the stuff you want, forget shopping in long lines, let’s just steal the shit we want. Get the one you love a nice stolen TV set and some German movies of questionable content.
And speaking of questionable content, you know who is great at violent five finger discounts? The classy Gore Corps, so let’s have take a page outta their book. This mass orgy of violence is going be so classy with them leading the way. Feasting + Mooching + Classy + Ridleys =
THE SUPER CLASSY RIDLEY THANKSGIVING!
I expect to see you all there wearing a bib covered in brainz and dragging stolen goods through broken shop windows. Be sure to pose for the photographers with your new shiny toys.
Random MichaelBarnaby Quote of the Week:
Goodbyeee
Thus concludes this edition of the Ridleybank Digital Press. If you have questions or comments feel free to PM Irishmen on these forums and be sure to drop by the horde IRC channel.
Stay undead, folks, and remember to play fair.
