Team America: The Fightin’ Fuck Yeahs! Terrorists your game is through, because now you have to answer to the RRF’s newest strike team. Formed just a few months ago when a group of American RRF’ers couldn’t find a good strike time for themselves, Team America has been terrorizing Malton side-by-side with the Department of Homeland Security since it’s inception. We recently had a chance to sit down with Team America’s Second in Command Gus Thomas, here’s what he had to say.
MH&S: I just asked Moloch who the Queen of Alternative Rock was, Kim Gordon or Kim Deal. I also just asked Beauxdeigh of Moloch got the question right or wrong without telling him what Moloch’s answer was. What do you think Beauxdeigh’s reaction will be?
GT: The cake is a lie!!
MH&S: Uh… that wasn’t quite his reaction. Okay, Team America. You were in on the ground floor. What is the story of Team America?
GT: Toward the end of the Great War on Terror, the United States Government established Team America: World Police with the sole intent of stopping terrorists from performing evil deeds. As part of their investigation, they were sent to investigate Biological Weapons within the city of Malton. This biological weapon ultimately proved to be the zombie virus, and the whole team was infected during the Initial Outbreak.
In those early days the infected members behaved rather simply, just hunger crazed zombies thirsting for blood and brains. However, while I was wandering through the Zombie Homeland of Ridleybank, I had a calling. The full moon cracked open and from the chasm I heard the mighty voice of Papa Petrosjko, beckoning to me. He said that we fallen soldiers of Team America had a new role, that is to protect the zombie homeland.
I quickly joined the Ridleybank Resistance Front and became a trooper with the Department of Homeland Security. Although I started as a underling, I had my Vision, my purpose. After a few weeks I sent murmurs through the RRF War Council about establishing my fallen team as a strike force. Backed by the awesome zambah that is Petrosjko the War Council had no choice but to obey. Zoey Zarg stepped up and organized my fallen comrades into the mighty arm of Barhah that is today’s Team America (Fuck Yeah!)
MH&S: What’s Team America’s Theme Song?
GT: “amHAMZARZZa, ZRNMZZBG RAHAah!”
MH&S: One of the great unknowns in life is whether the Universe is finite or infinite. Some people feel that the Universe will eventually stop expanding and then, over billions of years, contract upon itself, in a reverse of the Big Bang. As an aspiring science teacher what do you think the impact of such of an event will be upon Malton?
GT: The Great Contraction you speak of is nothing more then a Headshot to the whole Universe. When the Universe garners enough AP, it will ?Rise again. Till then, harmanz will continue to feed our hungry bellys, during it there will be relative peace, and afterward we’ll be feasting again.
MH&S: That’s good to know. You were recently punished for taking the initiative and creating a strike team by being given a seat on the War Council. Do you think Moloch is really in control of the horde, or is Murray Jay still pulling the strings behind the scenes?
GT: It is said that behind every Great Man there is a Great Woman that cooks for him. The question is, who can cook? I’m hungry.
MH&S: In my previous life I put myself through college working as a cook in a restraunt. Are you trying to signify some kind of misogynistic intent by calling me a woman?
GT: Not at all. I love women. I just love eating more. If I can find a man that can cook decently then gender wouldnt be a issue at all, at least as far as eating goes.
MH&S: Why should young, American zombies join Team America?
GT: *We are lead by the lovely Zoey Zarg
- We have many of the fairer zambah’s on our Team (Disturbingly Cute, Pooky the Bear for starters) which means your eyes are in for a treat
- If you are a new babah zambah we’ll kick the doors in and drag food out to you.
- It’s American (Fuck Yeah!)
- Your mom would want you to
- The comradrie is second to none (that includes the Gore Corps)
MH&S: It’s a good thing you said the Gore Corps instead of AU10, those would be fightin’ words with this interviewer. Now would you consider yourself to be a Spottswoode figure or a Joe figure?
GT: Joe, hands down. I let Zoey do the heavy lifting, I sit back and watch the lovely curves at work.
MH&S: So what did Gary have to do to prove his loyalty to Team America? I mean, Zoey isn’t equipped the same way as Spottswoode.
GT: One of the qualities of our team is our improvisation. The details are mildly explicit, but I will tell you this: a Banana was involved.
MH&S: Final Question… Papa Moloch: Great Papa or Greatest Papa?
GT: Seeing that he is a solid supporter of Team America and all the other Papa’s (without exception) failed to even groan approvingly, I will go with Greatest Papa.
MH&S: Oooh… no mention of Petro? You must be new in these parts. Anyway, I’ll mark you down as saying Murray Jay was the greatest.
