The Night Before Barhahmas

Editor’s Note: Delight in this festive collection of Christmas carols performed by the talented Ridley ensemble, spreading yuletide joy and holiday spirit throughout our community.

MJS

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ‘bank,
Not a harman was stirring, not even a crank;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Papa Petro soon would be there;
The zombies were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar brains danced in their heads,
And Gooli in her ‘kerchief, and Papa in his cap,
Had just finished their dinner for a long winter’s nap-
When out by Moggridge there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from dirt beds to see what was the matter.
Away to the ruins we flew like a flash,
Tore open the bar’cades, and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below;
When, what to our wandering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny Guards Grayed,
With a little old driver, so dead and decayed,
I knew in a moment it must be Petosjko.
Less rapid than sloths his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and call’d them by name:
“Nah! Zahnnah, nah! Badruzzaha, nah! Marrah, ahn Mahahg,
“Ahn G!arm! Ahn Bahdagh! Ahn Grahm! Ahn Harry G!m!;
With the sleigh full of Bra!nz - and Papa Petro too:
And then in a twinkling, we heard on the roof
The dragging and pawing of each decayed hoof.
As we drew in our heads, and each turned around,
Down the ruins Papa Petro slammed to the ground:
He was dress’d all in fur, from his head to his waist,
And his clothes were blood soaked, and organ laced;
A bundle of bra!nz was flung on his back,
And he look’d like a peddler just opening his pack:
His eyes - how they oozed! his rot-holes how merry,
His cheeks like dead roses, his nose a dried cherry;
His jaw was detached like a broken bow,
And the beard of his chin was as bloody as the snow;
The stump of a finger he held tight in his teeth,
And the blood dribbled down his chin like a dead wreath.
He had very little face, and a bloated round belly
That shook when he groaned, like a bowl full of jelly:
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old ghoul,
And we laugh’d when we saw him in spite of the drool;
A detached eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave us to know we had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And fill’d all the stockings; then turn’d with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose
And giving a nod, up the ruins he rose.
He slumped to his sleigh, to his team gave a groan,
And away they all slouched, like a team that could pwn:
But we heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight-
“Marrah Barhahmaz ah a!!, ahn ah a!! ah gah nah!”

Generic Zombie 12

Lurching through the snow On a harman-killing spree O’er the ‘cades we go Laughing all the way Har! Har! Har! Dying harmanz scream In the silence of the night What fun it is to laugh and sing A slaying song tonight

bum bum bum

Jingle Zeds, Jingle Zeds Jingle all the way Oh what fun it is to ride In a harman-killing spree Jingle Zeds, Jingle Zeds Jingle all the way Oh what fun it is to ride In a harman-killing spree YEY!

The Lurker7

BARHAHMAS collection

1. Im dreaming of a ruined Christmas

I’m dreaming of a ruined Christmas Just like the ones I used to know Where the blood glistens, and zambahz listen To hear harmanz in the snow

I’m dreaming of a ruined Christmas With every cade I bash May your buildings be sacked and bright And may all your Cades be cracked

2. Wreck the malls

Wreck the malls with claws of fury BarbarbarbarbarBARRHAH! Bash the cades and smash the harmanz BarbarbarbarbarBARRHAH! Eat them brainz and those eyeballs BarbarbarbarbarBARRHAH! Grab the bangman and barg him BarbarbarbarbarBARRHAH!

See those cades you must bash them! BarbarbarbarbarBARRHAH! Eat the actives and then scream BARGAHNZ! BarbarbarbarbarBARRHAH! Groan and Moan so the young can hear you! BarbarbarbarbarBARRHAH! Then we smash those filthy harmanz BarbarbarbarbarBARRHAH!

3. Ron burgundy got run over by Petro outside caiger on christmas eve. some folks say theres no such things as petro. but me and zambahz we believe

4. Brainz roasting on an open fire Zambahz feasting on their nose Yuletide joy as we eat the choir and harmanz dressed up with bbq sauce.

Everybody knows some brainz and a ruined home help to make the season bright tiny zambahz with their sockets all aglow will find it hard to sleep tonight

they know that petros on his way with many brainz in his sleigh and every mamaz zambah ahz ganna zpah to see if zambahz really know how to fly.

And so I’m offering this simple phrase, To zambahz from one to ninety-two, Although its been said many times, many ways, A very Merry BARHAHmas to you

Braggledorth

‘Twas three nights before Christmas, and all through the channel Not a user was typing, not even deFranval all the pants were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that papa moloch soon would be there When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, i sprung from my harman to see what’s the matter I saw Papa Moloch with a skull in his hand he said “Shhh, got a kill here, be quiet, be glad” Then he shot the fucker and he smiled and ran As he rose in the air, skipping lines left and right, and said “Merry Barhahmas to all and to all a good night”

Bazhahn zrah zah znah, ahn hra ahn harz ahbahn z!ah Ahbarh zah h!h!!z ah gah Rabbahn ah!! zah ahh, harharhar Bal!z ahn babza!hz r!ng Mahgahn zb!r!hz br!gh Ah rah bahn ah -!z zah z!ng hra zra!g!ng zahng zah nah

G!ngah ba!!z g!ngah ba!!z, g!ngah arr zah ahh Ah rah bahn ah -!z zah z!ng hra zra!g!ng zahng zah nah