Across Malton there are survivors wielding usless Katanas, automatic rifles without ammo, scars too numerous to count, staring off into the distance and, of course, wearing trenchcoats. However, there is a sense of restlessness within Malton’s trenchcoating community. It hasn’t been as fun for them to ignore crumbling barricades and fellow survivors in need of a revive in order to shoot zombies outside – no, there is a movement afoot to create a whole new generation of cliches for the benefit of future trenchcoaters.
Photo courtesy of Red Rum.
“Well, some of the modifications we’re attempting to implement are quite obvious,” said Captain Rodgers 31. “For instance, camouflage. That’s a really obvious thing for us to be wearing under our trenchcoats. Also, the cargo pants give us plenty of room to stuff the never-ending supply of shotguns we have because, of course, we carry nothing else.”
However, some trenchcoaters have come up with quasi-creative ways of embarrassing themselves and making survivors look bad. “I’m not going to rest until every last zombie in Malton is dead,” explains paulssj58902802843. “That’s why I’ve taken up Falconry. Just imagine how scared those stupid-ass zeds are going to be when they see a Falcon swooping over their heads!”
Some ideas, are just lame extensions of already terrible ideas constantly advanced by the trenchcoaters of Malton. “I’m a ninja!” exclaimed Michaelangelo42. “I am a master of the Katana and can take a zombie’s head off in one swift kick!” After our intrepid reporter vomited, Michaelangelo42 started another bout by saying, “I’ve also got a bunch of shirukens!”
When asked to explain the general phenomena of trenchcoating, Dr. Jennifer Miles of a local psychiatric hospital said, “Well, a lot of these people were around before the zombie apocalypse. They sat around in their basements playing computer games non-stop and fancied themselves to be total badasses. After the undead started walking, instead of contributing to survivor efforts in any meaningful way, they started carrying a bunch of ornamental weapons they had no idea how to use and just shot a bunch of zombies in the streets instead of protecting what the survivors had or taking back ransacked buildings.”
