A tall, broad zombie in a grey suit walks onto the stage, stepping over the prone form of Murray Jay Suskind, who is snoring loudly with an empty scotch bottle in one hand and a badly chewed AA chip in the other
Seeing as former Papa Murray is… Indisposed, it falls to me to induct the latest of the RRF’s greats into our Hall of Legends. Zetheren, please rise as I tell you a little about the Tader Princess herself, Zoey Zarg.
With some people it’s hard to know what to say about them, but with Zoey it’s hard to know what not to say, because Zoey is a legend in this horde for so many reasons that even a Papa has to work hard to sum her up.
Zoey arrived as a part of what I termed the RRF’s ‘Golden Generation’: A group of new, talented and enthusiastic players who all joined up in late 2007/early 2008. She was assigned to the old Department of Homeland Security and was therefore stuck on a diet of barricades, barricades and more barricades. Sounds like a shit time, right? Well, you would never have known that from what Zoey was saying, because she never once complained, even though the rest of the horde was off conquering territory and feasting on brains. Zoey and the others just got on with it and made their fun as best they could. Making fun is not easy though, especially when you’re all babahz and are levelling up painfully slowly due to not being able to gain Experience Points through sweet, nutritious brains. DoHS was full of hungry babahz. Babahz need to be fed. Zoey and another player, Gus Thomas, did something a bit special: They, on their own initiative, created a strike team and started to feed the starving zombies of Ridleybank themselves.
Creating strike teams is not easy. I have never tried it. Murray Jay Suskind tried repeatedly and saw the teams fail. That’s two Papas of the RRF, two of the most famous and influential players in Malton, being beaten to something by a pair of newbies. Their motivation was not the desire for glory, but rather the desire to help others start to enjoy the game as they should. Gus and Zoey did not simply create a strike team, they created a monster. That monster is Team America and is the most powerful zombie strike team that the RRF has fielded in as long as I have been a member. It has seen out more than a year now and is the most numerous, anarchic, enthusiastic and outright fun strike team in the RRF. Perhaps even more important that that, this little strike team created by two newbies has fed countless new RRFers, turning them from babahz to zambahz and helping them enjoy unlife in Malton.
When Gus Thomas left the War Council Zoey soldiered on and kept the team rolling and smiling and killing. She then groomed her replacement in DJ Deadbeat ahead of standing down from Team America to lead the Department of Homeland Security. That lack of ego ensured the continued success of the team under a new leader, whilst she herself still tagged along as a kind of doting mad auntie on strikes when she could, at the same time as leading DoHS with the same light and fun touch with which she had led TA.
So, co-creator of the strongest strike team in the RRF and leader of DoHS. Pretty damned influential, yes? Well, her influence extends far beyond that.
Zoey is not just a team leader: She’s a character. Anyone who has ever been in IRC with her knows that she’s as infectious as a thousand sneezing Mexicans, with her taders, smilies, crayon drawings and all the other things that she brings. This extends into every area of the RRF. Zoey’s sense of humour gets everywhere and it stays there because she has a very rare quality: She’s almost impossible to dislike. Even the Gore Corps old guard, bastards to the last that we are, can’t help but love our disturbingly weird little sister. She has the ability to make us all feel as though we have known her in person our whole lives, even though she’s really just some girl on the internet who plays zombies with us.
Now I’ll let you in on a little secret. You know that ‘Zoey for Mama 08’ meme that we all enjoyed? Well, here’s the thing: Zoey actually is Mama of the horde. Wait! That doesn’t mean that she’s giving orders, pulling strings, etc. Zoey Zarg feeds the babahz of the RRF, she keeps them entertained, puts smiles on their faces when they are down and makes them feel like a part of the family that the RRF is. Doesn’t that sound like a mama to you? It just so happens that she is Mama whilst there is also a Papa: Me!
Zoey is my exact opposite, which is why she has so often been my closest advisor in the horde. She’s silly where I’m serious, but at the same time she’s anything but stupid: She knows how a horde works and how best to keep it rolling and smiling, so whenever I have felt that something needs to be done but I need to get the view of someone less obsessed with conquest, ruination and murder than I am, I turn to her. She is Mama to my Papa, doctor to my general, Pinky to my Brain. I make a plan, she makes it fun.
Zoey is going now, but her legacy is assured. Not only does her Team America still stand, but the RRF is filled with zombies whom she has helped, supported, encouraged and entertained. We will all remember her and we will all miss her. So, when next you kill a breather, dedicate it to Zoey Zarg: A true leader, a true original, a true legend of the Ridleybank Resistance Front. Most important of all though, dedicate it to Zoey Zarg: A true friend.
Edit: A genuine picture of Zoey and I planning Excursion IV (Zoey’s on the right):
For other personal tributes to Zoey and her goodbye speech, click this link.
