This king (Lear) is all like wee lets give the country to my 2 undeserving daughters who like to pump me full of crap and woo ego boost rush. Gonorrhea and Regan are all going o/\o I cant believe he fell for it and Cordelia is all as if o\ my dad is a friggin moron, fuck this place I’mma gonna go be a winnar with this king of France dude since he loves me for who I am unlike my retarded dad. Then Lear figures out about 5 minutes later OMG I’m stupid facepalm LETS GO INSANE AND CHASE A STORM ON A HILL THAT FIXES EVERYTHING - GENIUS! Fools all like la-de-da advice advice how the heck did I end up with this weirdo madface. Oh that Caius guy, man I know that guy from somewhere… high school there we go.
Then comes Globermister, who has to be eating the same idiot sauce Lear is, forgets who his son is then gets paranoid and tries to kill E I (cant remember their names right E I is the legit son) but epic fails and ends up on a hill chasing mr. storm…blind, hell yes birds of feather! E I decides that even though his father haz nah bra!n, he’s going to help a brother out, but he has to pretend he’s a crazy hobo since dad still wants to kill him. So they find Lear runnin around nakie and their all like omg put clothes on you weirdo, cept o glober whose blindness comes in handy. Then they take a trip to some Dover place and woo Cordelia and the French are here! Save us!
Meanwhile E II is all stroking his e-peen and then starts going all pimp with Gonorrhea and Regan getting all up in their grillz. Gonorrhea’s husband is starting to think, you know where serving up way to extra harsh with a side of mean beans on this Lear fellow, maybe we should give the guy a break. Gonorrhea and E II start plannin 1) Kill Husband 2) Bow chicka brown cow 3) Kill sister 4) ?????? 5) PROFIT!
Glober tries to commit suicide but epic phails again cause you cant die jumping off a cliff the dosn’t exist… who knew right? English troops beat the French… again. Lear and Cordelia get captured, E I kills EII for being a card in a dramatic fashion, Glober dies in an undramatic fashion, Gonorrhea poisons sister Regan then kills herself because shes a wimp and cant take the heat. Cordelia gets executed then Lears like I suck at fatherhood, die. Damn near everyone dies but not as many as in Hamlet.
Gonorrhea’s hubbie, E I and Caius who omg no wai, turns out to be nobleman Kent (knew I knew that guy from somewhere) are all like “omg these blood stains will never come out of this carpet, this sucks, oh and how will we explain this to the media… hahaha lets go get a drink”. The End.
—end of Zoey’s summary—-
King Lear is so full of epic fail it ends up winning in my book. Plus people died so rock on. \m/
