…But it’s OK, he knows how to ?rise.
Greetings to all Ridleys everywhere.
The first thing that I must do as the new Papa is pay tribute to the old. You’ve all seen Murray Jay Suskind around and you all know what he has done in public for this horde. What the majority don’t know is what he did in private. When he took over the reins of the Ridleybank Resistance Front it was headless; the Papa had left, along with most of the War Council. This was a horde in terrible flux. Murray brought stability to the horde, replenished the War Council and revitalised what was at that time a fading power. For that he must and shall always have the gratitude of all Ridleys, past, present and future.
And now we come to that future.
Ridleys, we shamble in dark times. Look at the stats; look at the maps. See the 61% of Malton’s population breathing and the swathes of safe, green suburbs full of lazy survivors sitting, smug and fat, in their safehouses, loaded down with shotguns and syringes, occasionally popping outside to head-shoot some passing zombie shambling innocently about his business. See the malls and the forts, lit and crowded, blighting our city. See the NTs standing unruined.
Dark times indeed.
But in these dark times there is one beacon of light, one place where zombies shamble in relative safety, comforted by the presence of so many of their zetheren. That place is Ridleybank.
There is no suburb in Malton as loved by zombies and as feared by survivors as our beloved homeland. No name and no place means as much as Ridleybank. People speak of Caiger and Creedy; well I spit on Caiger and I piss on Creedy. Worthless holes and home to the myriad survivor hordes of witless trenchcoaters and bleating old men speaking of sieges long over and men long since devoured. Let them have their little islands and let them stay there.
We have Ridleybank.
But Ridleybank is not just a home to us: It is a homeland and an inspiration to all zombiekind. This is what makes the Ridleybank Resistance Front special. We are no mere group of brain-eating marauders. We are the custodians of the homeland. Every one of us has committed themselves to a sacred duty, to defend this suburb on behalf of all zombies and guard our precious homeland. Our fight never ends and from myself and the Papas past, to the Uncles and the War Counsellors and right the way down to the newest, freshest, lowest-level members of the horde, every single one of us shares in this burden and this honour.
We fight for our friends. We fight for our species. We fight for our homeland.
We are Ridleybank and Ridleybank is us.
The theme for my plans as the new leader of our glorious front can be summed up in two words:
‘More Brains’.
What does this mean? To me it has two meanings bound together into one ideal. ‘More Brains’ means that I want this horde to become more intelligent in our actions, more organised and more ruthless. Why? Because more brains behind our actions will lead to more brains in the mouths of you, the zombies on the street. We’ll be smarter so that you don’t go hungry; we’ll be smarter to bring you glory and we’ll be smarter to bring you fun.
I want every Ridley to enjoy every action point that they spend in fighting for our group and our homeland. The smarter we are the more successful we will be, the more barhah we will spread and the more fun we will all have. I want your claws and teeth to be bloodied every day, because every day as a Ridley should be a day of barhah and bloodshed. We will make it so, for you and for our homeland.
Welcome to the new era.
