Zetheren, the other day, after we had yet again stamped on the kilt-wearing breathers of Stanbury Village, some of the Gore Corps stopped by Beacham Cinema and found it lit. It did not take us long to kill all the inhabitants and when we were done we found ourselves with nothing to do with the rest of our evening, so we decided to settle down and take in a movie. What was playing?
Day of the Dead.
To say I was underwhelmed would be an understatement. I can ignore the bad acting, the childish script and the banal narrative. What I cannot ignore though is the way in which they portrayed you, me, us: The zombies. They make us look like fools. Slow of foot and slower of thought, they paint us as shambling morons, with no nous, no intellect and no concept of right and wrong. Does that resemble any of the fine zombies in our horde? I think not! Much worse though was the representation of one zombie: Bub. This is the image of zombiekind that the filmmakers laud as righteous? A LIFE CULTIST?! A turncoat who betrays his zetheren to earn the fleeting friendship of a bunch of breathers!
Is this the kind of role model that you want for yourselves or for your babah zambahz? Of course not.
I was so disgusted by this creature that I could not even finish the thigh I was eating. I walked out of the cinema and stormed back to Ridleybank, fuming, incandescent with fury. Finally I calmed down and stopped at a building: The Musgrove Museum. So, I went inside to have a look around and see what sights are on offer inside our homeland. What did I find? Nothing but more pro-survivor propaganda!
I found harman paintings depicting Hell, featuring demons with green skins. Green skins! Could the symbolism be any more obvious? Could this slur be any more blatant? Looking around I saw yet more that offended my zombie eyes: I found statues of breathers, flesh unmarked and untorn; I found tapestries of harman battles, celebrating their killing of their fellow harmans in a way that no zombie would ever do to their own. It made me sick as I asked the questions that were burning within me:
‘Where are the paintings of the fall of Caiger Mall?’ ‘Where is the statue of Petrosjko?’ ‘Where are the tributes to loving zambahz who work hard for the horde and to feed their babahz?’
Where are they, zetheren? They are not in Ridleybank, nor Stanbury Village, nor any other suburb in Malton. No, instead all we find are paintings, books, statues, films, all celebrating breather vainglory. Why should we put up with this? Why should our babahz grow up with these and all the other breather arts telling them that they are villains? Hath not a zambah eyes? If thou shoot us, do we not bleed?
We are zombies and zombies MATTER. We are zombies and ZOMBIES CAN BE HEROES TOO.
The survivor bias in the arts must be stopped. I cannot stand for it and I will not stand for it. No longer will we, the Ridleybank Resistance Front, allow our race to be stereotyped and defamed, so if the books, the paintings, the films and the music will not speak the truth about us and represent us for the good-hearted, peace-loving folk we are, then we will destroy them all.
Zetheren, it is time for our fourth Excursion. It is time for CULTURE SHOCK.
We are going to tour Malton, tearing apart any building where harman artworks may be found. We’ll smash the schools, crush the cinemas, lacerate the libraries and massacre the museums and the malls. Anywhere where the breathers hide their hateful art propaganda will be ruthlessly destroyed, along with any who dare stand in our way.
All zombies of the Ridleybank Resistance Front, regardless of their usual duties, are invited to join in this great purge of the city. Only when we have swept the streets of Malton clean of this filth will it be safe for our babahz to walk without having their minds corrupted. Do it for your babahz and ensure that they will not be fooled by the survivors. Do it for them so that they will not grow up to become another Bub
