Officials from Ridleybank Environmental Protection Agency have recently announced a breakthrough in the ongoing fight against climate change and dependence upon fossil fuels. Countering previous evidence that dead bodies give off methane which is a harmful greenhouse gas, Ridleybank environmental scientist Distinguished found after an exhaustive study that living harmanz actually damage the Earth much more than the undead. As he simply put it, “Everyone needs to die.”
The study’s results paint an alarming picture of unsustainable harman activities that are actively destroying our planet. Many of these problems are particularly persistent in Malton. For instance, portable generators that are noteworthy for their remarkable energy inefficiency have been set up throughout Malton to power entire buildings. These generators waste fuel, compounding tight oil supplies, and create heavy emission of greenhouse gases throughout Malton.
While the use of portable generators in Malton is particularly notable, environmental scientists say the problem runs much deeper. “Even if they stopped using portable generators, the harmanz are constantly engaging in behavior that’s destroying the planet,” explained Distinguished. “Food production, syringe production, gun and ammunition production, production of useless automatic weapons, katanas, trenchcoats and tartan kilts, even breathing – all of these activities dump tons of carbon in our city’s air everyday.”
Unfortunately, there’s little indication that such behavior is going to change. Dr. Cthulhu In Lingerie, behaviorologist and sex therapist, explained that it may be difficult to get harmanz to make the appropriate lifestyle changes. “Once you engage in an act repeatedly – such as violating others with Thor, dropping generators in useless buildings or breathing – it’s a very difficult to break the habit that’s formed by such an act. It would be very difficult to get more that 5-10% to break those habits voluntarily.”
While the harmanz are short on solutions for their own destructive behavior, RRF Papa Moloch was not afraid to propose bold action to stop climate change and solve the world’s energy crisis. “Well, the RRF is going to do its part. The harmanz are part of the problem, not part of the solution. So I guess we’ll have to kill all the harmanz we can get our hands upon.” When asked if the RRF would also help to clean up the mess of generators in the city, he stated, “Of course. The overabundance of generators in this city is a blight upon all of us. Hell, when I’m out with Gore Corps, it’s hard for us to even breathe sometimes.”
